What to do when you want someone you can’t have

Many of us have been in the position where we feel like we’ve found the right person to be with. They have everything that you would want from a boyfriend or girlfriend and maybe even more. Maybe you meet them, they catch you off guard and they take your breath away. Or maybe they are someone you are close friends with and you are just now realizing that you want more than friendship. Maybe you barely even know the person but have a reason to believe that if he or she just opened his or her eyes and noticed you, then you would be the perfect couple. No matter which of these scenarios you fall into, you are infatuated with this person.

It doesn’t matter whether this romance is in your imagination or is an actual part of your life. You have made a decision, and they are what you want. But what happens when you can’t have them? What happens when life gets in the way of your hopes and you have to accept that you will never get to be with your ideal person? Maybe at one point you were actually together andd everything was the way you wanted it to be. But then it ended and you are left to put yourself back together. You are left to accept the fact that they are over it and will find happiness and satisfaction with someone else.

Life seems to lead you into these unfortunate situations and you are left struggling to find a way to solve them. You may find yourself stuck for a variety of reasons, and it is difficult to say which situation is the worst.

One of the most common problems encountered comes from being the one dumped after dating or being in a relationship. What you are told to do is cry for a day or two and move on. But what happens when moving on is not that easy? What happens when you have to face seeing this person on a weekly or even daily basis? You become determined to appear unfazed by the rejection. You might even decide that it would lessen the awkwardness of the situation if you were to be friends. You end up occasionally running into this person, who appears excited to see you and takes this as a chance to catch up on life in a friendly way. While this person is put together and confident, you are awkwardly rambling and trying hard to act normal despite the nervous shaking of your legs. The person looks even better than you remembered, and you fall back under their spell. They once again have the power over you and you are left walking away in a silent fit of frustration. They made you happy and you wanted to impress them even though their life and opinions should no longer matter to you. You want them back but you can no longer have them so you just keep walking and try to forget.

However, maybe this special person has not disappeared completely. They are still a main character in the story of your life but refuse to give you what you need. You could be casually dating. Maybe you’re friends with benefits. But what happens when you want more and they refuse to commit? You wonder why you aren’t good enough in their eyes. You wonder why if they like being with you so much that they need to have the freedom to still be with other people. You decide that you are better than this situation. You know that you deserve a guy that wants only you. But then do you walk away? Do you lose the excitement and ecstasy of the romance because you want more? You decide if you stay then you are selling yourself short but you accept the situation as it is anyway. You decide that the idea of losing this person completely sounds even worse.

The seriousness of the relationship does not necessarily determine the depth of your suffering. Your problems could stem from a person that you were never actually with and who you can never have. Maybe you have strong feelings for someone who would never see you as more than a friend. The friendship is important to you so you constantly have to ignore the voice in your head saying that you would be great together. You do not see any reason why you are not able to be more than just friends and once again start to wonder in what way you are not good enough.

Of course there are always the people who are just completely off limits. They are co-workers, friends’ exes, and maybe even people who are already happily in a relationship. You really like the person and they may even like you back, but something keeps you apart. Part of you wants to go for it and face the consequences. Still you come to your senses and accept the way that things are. You decide that it is only natural to want even more what you can’t have and know that your heart and your head will not always agree.

With all of these possible dilemmas it is hard to believe that anyone is actually happy. You start to wonder what the point of the whole dating scene is when so many things can go wrong. Unfortunately for all of this there is only one solution. It is also the answer that most people do not want to accept. Sometimes you just have to accept things as they are, not dwell on the past, and hope that everything will somehow come together in the end.

Image
Advertisements